I admit it. I've been worrying about finishing my thesis for my graduate studies. Lately my mind and body are not cooperating with each other. Kinda out of sync. My hands wanted to type away immediately, but my brain halted every time I attempted to dish out the thoughts.
This time, my throat hurts. A lot. It feels like as if something is clinging inside my pipes and it's really itchy. I took some medicine to fix this. Bought Tuseran, as what Serg recommended me.
I'm drugged. Hopefully tomorrow, I'm not.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
If you could allow me to say something
I was surprised when I learned about the outcome of my evaluation. No wonder my friends approached me with such concern. I thought they were just kidding. It turned out that his response of the way I do my job was not impressive at all. It was something else.
I should go straight to the point.
Yesterday the college dean observed my class. I was not aware at that time that he was there. Buti na lang, a student informed me that he was in the class to observe. Not being all-too-conscious, I did my work. Since I informed my students last meeting that everyone will be computing his/her grades that day, I continued with our dynamics. (I always allow my students to compute their grades so that they can verify if my computation is correct. And before they compute, I make sure that I am done doing it first. It is my way of showing transparency in the class, that I am not just guessing their grades.) I have no intention to impress the one observing at all. I told myself that I would do what is supposed to be scheduled in our class. Then, the student informed me that the dean was asking if I would be giving a lecture. I approached and told him that we were scheduled to make computations that day and after that, we could have a short discussion. He asked for how long it would take. I answered that in minutes but not now because they are still computing. He was about to leave the room when I asked if he'd be coming back to observe me with my lecture and he said yes. He did not.
After my classes, I went back to our department. Then I started hearing things.
Little did I know that what I did was wrong. According to my colleagues, the dean called our chairperson. He told her that (I am paraphrasing) as if I dismissed him in the class. As if I was commanding him what he should do. That I should not allow my students to compute their grades because it was part of my job. I've heard also that the dean was angry over the phone. I don't know if he was furiously mad. But from the way people retold the incidence, probably he was.
Then commotion came.
People was asking, "anong nangyari?" I was wondering why people reacted in this way. What happened? May nagawa ba akong mali? I was perplexed by their reactions. I was NOT COMPLETELY AWARE about what came about. Sana man lang, someone who has the proper knowledge would inform me about what was happening. But no one did. Not one. Not even a confirmation from me about what truly happened on that day. All I learned about were reactions. Yun lang.
This made me sad.
Call me idealistic but I am. I do my best to connect with my students. To know them and to inspire them. To make them realize that not all teachers are doomed to be eaten by the system. I do my job with all my God-given skills and time. I always say to my class that I believe in leadership by example. I will not demand for something which I do not have. I demand them to know the prayer that is why I memorized it. I demand them to study well in our subject, and I do it also. I demand that they should come to my class on time, and I do my best to never come late. I am not bragging but I always do my best to live up to my words. I really do.
It disappoints me to know that all my efforts will not pay off. That someone will just dish out my approach as something negative. And I was not given a chance to voice out my version. Lest to inform me about everything.
How will I gain respect if I don't give it first? How will I demand for excellence if I don't do it first? How will I see professionalism if I won't be the one to lead?
It saddens me. All efforts are gone to waste. If only people would know the truth. But who cares, I know I am not guilty of any wrongdoing. If given a last choice, I would rather depart from the system than to deal with it.
I should go straight to the point.
Yesterday the college dean observed my class. I was not aware at that time that he was there. Buti na lang, a student informed me that he was in the class to observe. Not being all-too-conscious, I did my work. Since I informed my students last meeting that everyone will be computing his/her grades that day, I continued with our dynamics. (I always allow my students to compute their grades so that they can verify if my computation is correct. And before they compute, I make sure that I am done doing it first. It is my way of showing transparency in the class, that I am not just guessing their grades.) I have no intention to impress the one observing at all. I told myself that I would do what is supposed to be scheduled in our class. Then, the student informed me that the dean was asking if I would be giving a lecture. I approached and told him that we were scheduled to make computations that day and after that, we could have a short discussion. He asked for how long it would take. I answered that in minutes but not now because they are still computing. He was about to leave the room when I asked if he'd be coming back to observe me with my lecture and he said yes. He did not.
After my classes, I went back to our department. Then I started hearing things.
Little did I know that what I did was wrong. According to my colleagues, the dean called our chairperson. He told her that (I am paraphrasing) as if I dismissed him in the class. As if I was commanding him what he should do. That I should not allow my students to compute their grades because it was part of my job. I've heard also that the dean was angry over the phone. I don't know if he was furiously mad. But from the way people retold the incidence, probably he was.
Then commotion came.
People was asking, "anong nangyari?" I was wondering why people reacted in this way. What happened? May nagawa ba akong mali? I was perplexed by their reactions. I was NOT COMPLETELY AWARE about what came about. Sana man lang, someone who has the proper knowledge would inform me about what was happening. But no one did. Not one. Not even a confirmation from me about what truly happened on that day. All I learned about were reactions. Yun lang.
This made me sad.
Call me idealistic but I am. I do my best to connect with my students. To know them and to inspire them. To make them realize that not all teachers are doomed to be eaten by the system. I do my job with all my God-given skills and time. I always say to my class that I believe in leadership by example. I will not demand for something which I do not have. I demand them to know the prayer that is why I memorized it. I demand them to study well in our subject, and I do it also. I demand that they should come to my class on time, and I do my best to never come late. I am not bragging but I always do my best to live up to my words. I really do.
It disappoints me to know that all my efforts will not pay off. That someone will just dish out my approach as something negative. And I was not given a chance to voice out my version. Lest to inform me about everything.
How will I gain respect if I don't give it first? How will I demand for excellence if I don't do it first? How will I see professionalism if I won't be the one to lead?
It saddens me. All efforts are gone to waste. If only people would know the truth. But who cares, I know I am not guilty of any wrongdoing. If given a last choice, I would rather depart from the system than to deal with it.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Incoherent messages
When I told you before that I'll be continuing my post the last time, well I cheated. Hehehe. I did not. I was too busy to append that old post. Must move on. Muuust mooove ooon.
Anyways, I back to the board game. With blogging that is. Just wanna post something here lest my account could die out because of inactivity. BTW, does a case like that really happen? I mean, if you fail to update your blog site, will your account be removed forever? Hmm. I wonder.
People has been asking me lately (students, in fact) if I'll be leaving the school where I am currently working right now. I want to answer them affirmatively but then I realized that I am not even sure if the university I'm applying for would hire me. I was given a verbal response by the department chair, but then I would have to wait. I am hoping that whatever this plan that I started would work out fine. Otherwise, I'll be jobless for a six months. Nyay.
Our college dean recently handed me a copy of invitation to study abroad. The invitation said that the candidate would have a chance to gain a masteral/doctoral degree in an Korean university with several stipends. In US dollars (cha-ching!). The dean told me to grab the opportunity. I don't know. But I should think it over first.
That's it. I have nothing more to say. I want to go now.
Babu. :0)
Anyways, I back to the board game. With blogging that is. Just wanna post something here lest my account could die out because of inactivity. BTW, does a case like that really happen? I mean, if you fail to update your blog site, will your account be removed forever? Hmm. I wonder.
People has been asking me lately (students, in fact) if I'll be leaving the school where I am currently working right now. I want to answer them affirmatively but then I realized that I am not even sure if the university I'm applying for would hire me. I was given a verbal response by the department chair, but then I would have to wait. I am hoping that whatever this plan that I started would work out fine. Otherwise, I'll be jobless for a six months. Nyay.
Our college dean recently handed me a copy of invitation to study abroad. The invitation said that the candidate would have a chance to gain a masteral/doctoral degree in an Korean university with several stipends. In US dollars (cha-ching!). The dean told me to grab the opportunity. I don't know. But I should think it over first.
That's it. I have nothing more to say. I want to go now.
Babu. :0)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Strike me with a stick, will ya?
Ako ay nagbalik...
No wonder LA Lopez's song is playing on my head right now. Just out of the blue, I typed my blog site's URL and had an urge to read my old posts.
I miss blogging.
I just happen to rekindle old memories of working at TIP, how things were used to be. All those shitty stuff. Wala lang. Kinda surreal to know that I'm out of that state and have moved on to somewhere else.
To be continued...
No wonder LA Lopez's song is playing on my head right now. Just out of the blue, I typed my blog site's URL and had an urge to read my old posts.
I miss blogging.
I just happen to rekindle old memories of working at TIP, how things were used to be. All those shitty stuff. Wala lang. Kinda surreal to know that I'm out of that state and have moved on to somewhere else.
To be continued...
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Redeemed
There was the time when I told myself that this "dismissal" is worth blogging for. Apparently it was not so.
Things have changed a lot. Within a snap.
Now my life revolves in a different velocity. Nevertheless, it still rotates. My life still moves on. (Corny no?)
To which direction, that I do not accurately know.
No matter how dark this tunnel be, I will always keep a roadmap by my side. And a lightbearer too to guide me.
May the Force be with us. Always.
:o)
Things have changed a lot. Within a snap.
Now my life revolves in a different velocity. Nevertheless, it still rotates. My life still moves on. (Corny no?)
To which direction, that I do not accurately know.
No matter how dark this tunnel be, I will always keep a roadmap by my side. And a lightbearer too to guide me.
May the Force be with us. Always.
:o)
Monday, October 24, 2005
End of what?
The last time when I've learned that I was out of TIP for good, I told to myself that this major event is worth blogging for. (I know, I know. "Blogging" is not an actual word. But who cares?)
Eight days had passed yet I feel that I am not equipped to install my thoughts about my "lay off". It's not an actual dismissal due to incompetence. Based from admin's precalculated inspection(?), my tenure will not be sufficient to finish my masteral degree in PLM. They said that if I take my comprehensive exam this December and factor in the months that I would consume to accomplish my directed study, I won't make it. Yup, that's what they said. Hindi ko raw matatapos.
Solution: End of contract. That's it. Like that. Ganun na nga.
I found out that I have no job last Monday, the day after I cleared myself of papers and whatnots. It's the usual roundabout. Every end of semester, faculty members are required to finish the clearance lest he won't get his last salary. I've learned my lesson in the past of about getting tardy about it and all so I made sure I would finish early. I did. And so did the news.
I have a question. How should one feel if he ever loses a job? Some people would feel crushed about it. They even go hysterical. Oddly, I never feel like that as of this moment. I feel... blank. Numb. Like as if the news has never hit me.
I was saddened at first, yes, because who wouldn't feel like that if you've had good rapport and closeness with your students. I was lucky enough to meet interesting students, the ones you'd love to tell your friends about having him/her as a student. I would probably miss those kind of people.
Once I had a student who got herself to a hospital because she drank too much coffee in preparation for our exams. I know it's a serious case but I find it funny. Am I that ruthless? Takot bumagsak sa akin yung student na yun. Hehehe. Or how most of my students become loving sweethearts in the end because of some group projects that I assigned to them. Grabe. Parang every semester eh ganun yung takbo ng klase ko. Hehehe. My classes are full of events. Daig pa nga ang isang noontime show sa dami ng eksena. May iyakan, tawanan, prangkahan, asarahan. May lalaglagan pa nga. Yung tipong they would vote out one of their group members because of so many varying reasons. Parang Survivor. Sabi ng ibang students, parang Extra Challenge daw yung case study ko. Hehehe. For sure I'll miss these scenes. Too bad I can't come back for more.
(Will finish this my people. More to come.)
Eight days had passed yet I feel that I am not equipped to install my thoughts about my "lay off". It's not an actual dismissal due to incompetence. Based from admin's precalculated inspection(?), my tenure will not be sufficient to finish my masteral degree in PLM. They said that if I take my comprehensive exam this December and factor in the months that I would consume to accomplish my directed study, I won't make it. Yup, that's what they said. Hindi ko raw matatapos.
Solution: End of contract. That's it. Like that. Ganun na nga.
I found out that I have no job last Monday, the day after I cleared myself of papers and whatnots. It's the usual roundabout. Every end of semester, faculty members are required to finish the clearance lest he won't get his last salary. I've learned my lesson in the past of about getting tardy about it and all so I made sure I would finish early. I did. And so did the news.
I have a question. How should one feel if he ever loses a job? Some people would feel crushed about it. They even go hysterical. Oddly, I never feel like that as of this moment. I feel... blank. Numb. Like as if the news has never hit me.
I was saddened at first, yes, because who wouldn't feel like that if you've had good rapport and closeness with your students. I was lucky enough to meet interesting students, the ones you'd love to tell your friends about having him/her as a student. I would probably miss those kind of people.
Once I had a student who got herself to a hospital because she drank too much coffee in preparation for our exams. I know it's a serious case but I find it funny. Am I that ruthless? Takot bumagsak sa akin yung student na yun. Hehehe. Or how most of my students become loving sweethearts in the end because of some group projects that I assigned to them. Grabe. Parang every semester eh ganun yung takbo ng klase ko. Hehehe. My classes are full of events. Daig pa nga ang isang noontime show sa dami ng eksena. May iyakan, tawanan, prangkahan, asarahan. May lalaglagan pa nga. Yung tipong they would vote out one of their group members because of so many varying reasons. Parang Survivor. Sabi ng ibang students, parang Extra Challenge daw yung case study ko. Hehehe. For sure I'll miss these scenes. Too bad I can't come back for more.
(Will finish this my people. More to come.)
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