Oh Masteral!

I admit it. I've been worrying about finishing my thesis for my graduate studies. Lately my mind and body are not cooperating with each other. Kinda out of sync. My hands wanted to type away immediately, but my brain halted every time I attempted to dish out the thoughts.

This time, my throat hurts. A lot. It feels like as if something is clinging inside my pipes and it's really itchy. I took some medicine to fix this. Bought Tuseran, as what Serg recommended me.

I'm drugged. Hopefully tomorrow, I'm not.

Haiku

Poetically.
Like a candle near the flame
wax dripping slowly.

If you could allow me to say something

I was surprised when I learned about the outcome of my evaluation. No wonder my friends approached me with such concern. I thought they were just kidding. It turned out that his response of the way I do my job was not impressive at all. It was something else.

I should go straight to the point.

Yesterday the college dean observed my class. I was not aware at that time that he was there. Buti na lang, a student informed me that he was in the class to observe. Not being all-too-conscious, I did my work. Since I informed my students last meeting that everyone will be computing his/her grades that day, I continued with our dynamics. (I always allow my students to compute their grades so that they can verify if my computation is correct. And before they compute, I make sure that I am done doing it first. It is my way of showing transparency in the class, that I am not just guessing their grades.) I have no intention to impress the one observing at all. I told myself that I would do what is supposed to be scheduled in our class. Then, the student informed me that the dean was asking if I would be giving a lecture. I approached and told him that we were scheduled to make computations that day and after that, we could have a short discussion. He asked for how long it would take. I answered that in minutes but not now because they are still computing. He was about to leave the room when I asked if he'd be coming back to observe me with my lecture and he said yes. He did not.

After my classes, I went back to our department. Then I started hearing things.

Little did I know that what I did was wrong. According to my colleagues, the dean called our chairperson. He told her that (I am paraphrasing) as if I dismissed him in the class. As if I was commanding him what he should do. That I should not allow my students to compute their grades because it was part of my job. I've heard also that the dean was angry over the phone. I don't know if he was furiously mad. But from the way people retold the incidence, probably he was.

Then commotion came.

People was asking, "anong nangyari?" I was wondering why people reacted in this way. What happened? May nagawa ba akong mali? I was perplexed by their reactions. I was NOT COMPLETELY AWARE about what came about. Sana man lang, someone who has the proper knowledge would inform me about what was happening. But no one did. Not one. Not even a confirmation from me about what truly happened on that day. All I learned about were reactions. Yun lang.

This made me sad.

Call me idealistic but I am. I do my best to connect with my students. To know them and to inspire them. To make them realize that not all teachers are doomed to be eaten by the system. I do my job with all my God-given skills and time. I always say to my class that I believe in leadership by example. I will not demand for something which I do not have. I demand them to know the prayer that is why I memorized it. I demand them to study well in our subject, and I do it also. I demand that they should come to my class on time, and I do my best to never come late. I am not bragging but I always do my best to live up to my words. I really do.

It disappoints me to know that all my efforts will not pay off. That someone will just dish out my approach as something negative. And I was not given a chance to voice out my version. Lest to inform me about everything.

How will I gain respect if I don't give it first? How will I demand for excellence if I don't do it first? How will I see professionalism if I won't be the one to lead?

It saddens me. All efforts are gone to waste. If only people would know the truth. But who cares, I know I am not guilty of any wrongdoing. If given a last choice, I would rather depart from the system than to deal with it.

Incoherent messages

When I told you before that I'll be continuing my post the last time, well I cheated. Hehehe. I did not. I was too busy to append that old post. Must move on. Muuust mooove ooon.

Anyways, I back to the board game. With blogging that is. Just wanna post something here lest my account could die out because of inactivity. BTW, does a case like that really happen? I mean, if you fail to update your blog site, will your account be removed forever? Hmm. I wonder.

People has been asking me lately (students, in fact) if I'll be leaving the school where I am currently working right now. I want to answer them affirmatively but then I realized that I am not even sure if the university I'm applying for would hire me. I was given a verbal response by the department chair, but then I would have to wait. I am hoping that whatever this plan that I started would work out fine. Otherwise, I'll be jobless for a six months. Nyay.

Our college dean recently handed me a copy of invitation to study abroad. The invitation said that the candidate would have a chance to gain a masteral/doctoral degree in an Korean university with several stipends. In US dollars (cha-ching!). The dean told me to grab the opportunity. I don't know. But I should think it over first.

That's it. I have nothing more to say. I want to go now.

Babu. :0)

Strike me with a stick, will ya?

Ako ay nagbalik...

No wonder LA Lopez's song is playing on my head right now. Just out of the blue, I typed my blog site's URL and had an urge to read my old posts.

I miss blogging.

I just happen to rekindle old memories of working at TIP, how things were used to be. All those shitty stuff. Wala lang. Kinda surreal to know that I'm out of that state and have moved on to somewhere else.

To be continued...

Redeemed

There was the time when I told myself that this "dismissal" is worth blogging for. Apparently it was not so.

Things have changed a lot. Within a snap.

Now my life revolves in a different velocity. Nevertheless, it still rotates. My life still moves on. (Corny no?)

To which direction, that I do not accurately know.

No matter how dark this tunnel be, I will always keep a roadmap by my side. And a lightbearer too to guide me.

May the Force be with us. Always.

:o)

End of what?

The last time when I've learned that I was out of TIP for good, I told to myself that this major event is worth blogging for. (I know, I know. "Blogging" is not an actual word. But who cares?)

Eight days had passed yet I feel that I am not equipped to install my thoughts about my "lay off". It's not an actual dismissal due to incompetence. Based from admin's precalculated inspection(?), my tenure will not be sufficient to finish my masteral degree in PLM. They said that if I take my comprehensive exam this December and factor in the months that I would consume to accomplish my directed study, I won't make it. Yup, that's what they said. Hindi ko raw matatapos.

Solution: End of contract. That's it. Like that. Ganun na nga.

I found out that I have no job last Monday, the day after I cleared myself of papers and whatnots. It's the usual roundabout. Every end of semester, faculty members are required to finish the clearance lest he won't get his last salary. I've learned my lesson in the past of about getting tardy about it and all so I made sure I would finish early. I did. And so did the news.

I have a question. How should one feel if he ever loses a job? Some people would feel crushed about it. They even go hysterical. Oddly, I never feel like that as of this moment. I feel... blank. Numb. Like as if the news has never hit me.

I was saddened at first, yes, because who wouldn't feel like that if you've had good rapport and closeness with your students. I was lucky enough to meet interesting students, the ones you'd love to tell your friends about having him/her as a student. I would probably miss those kind of people.

Once I had a student who got herself to a hospital because she drank too much coffee in preparation for our exams. I know it's a serious case but I find it funny. Am I that ruthless? Takot bumagsak sa akin yung student na yun. Hehehe. Or how most of my students become loving sweethearts in the end because of some group projects that I assigned to them. Grabe. Parang every semester eh ganun yung takbo ng klase ko. Hehehe. My classes are full of events. Daig pa nga ang isang noontime show sa dami ng eksena. May iyakan, tawanan, prangkahan, asarahan. May lalaglagan pa nga. Yung tipong they would vote out one of their group members because of so many varying reasons. Parang Survivor. Sabi ng ibang students, parang Extra Challenge daw yung case study ko. Hehehe. For sure I'll miss these scenes. Too bad I can't come back for more.

(Will finish this my people. More to come.)

Cured

I've been listening to The Cure a lot lately. Simula ng ipahiram sa akin ni kuya yung acoustic album ng astig na band na 'to, di ko mapigilan na i-repeat sa pag-play ang CD. Actually, he his nagging me to pay for the album because I 've been listening to it a lot. At least one hour a day yata ako kung magpatugtog nun. But it doesn't mean that I have memorized the lines from all those songs. Medyo lang. Hehehe.

To digress for a moment, let me slide in the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from this fanstastic band. I'm not expecting all people would enjoy their wave of music but as they say, to each his own.

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven.

Just Like Heaven. From band named The Cure.

Sarcasm is not your color

I got pissed off today. Not really much of an issue. For me it's just a matter of game. But when someone tries to piss you off, to comment as if you are a piece of shit, that kinda places my eyebrow into orbit. Like who the hell are you to talk like that. Pucker off.

I've notice that it's a subculture among network gamers to pick on the weakest link (and that's me who else, I'm not ashame to admit it). I have nothing against these people. It is their egotistical remark that makes me feel ill.

Who cares, it's just a game. If I lose, I don't scream at the heavens for chrissakes. I know that I am not really competitive by nature. I know how to accept such lost.

Apparently not all people know how to accept defeat. For them, it's their life. To pickle on someone else's failure is the only thing that boosts their ego. Hmmm. Doesn't that show an evil side of insecurity?

Thankfully I'm not like that. I don't suck on someone's weaknesses. My nature is built for something else. But not for this. Because I know I can move on to other things.

I am not a Bible person but my favorite line from the Book is this: The meek shall inherit the Earth.

Besides, I know that I have a better life other than playing this game.

:o)

P.S.
This must be a sign that I should stop playing games, right Briggs?

Very "Six Feet Under"

Just read this article. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15739502-13762,00.html

US scientists have created eerie zombie dogs, reanimating the canines after several hours of clinical death in attempts to develop suspended animation for humans.

Pittsburgh's Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research has developed technique in which subject's veins are drained of blood and filled ith an ice-cold salt solution. During the procedure blood is replaced with saline solution at a few degrees above zero. The dogs' body temperature drops to only 7C, compared with the usual 37C, inducing a state of hypothermia before death. The animals are considered scientifically dead, as they stop breathing and have no heartbeat or brain activity. Although the animals are clinically dead, their tissues and organs are perfectly preserved. Three hours later, the dogs are brought back to life by returning the blood to their bodies, giving them 100 per cent oxygen and applying electric shocks to restart their hearts. Tests show they are perfectlynormal, with no brain damage.

Plans to test the technique on humans should be realised within a year. However rather than sending people to sleep for years, then bringing them back to life to benefit from medical advances, the scientists would be happy to keep people in this state for just a few hours. But even this should be enough to save lives such as battlefield casualties and victims of stabbings or gunshot wounds, who have suffered huge blood loss.

I giggled hideously when I came across this article. Imagine the dog as the guinea pig of this test, being bolted back to life and all cranky because before then he was having a good time with Saint Peter upstairs. Hehehe. Naah, that's a bad joke. But really, this one made me laugh. For some odd reasons I have no idea. I wonder why.

Blog-hop

I thought that I was demented until I read someone else's blog. Yup, I'm a frequent blog-hopper. To draw my own meaning, a blog-hopper is someone who likes to visit someone's web log site and explore his/her inner sanctum. I do that. Just for kicks. If you don't know how to blog-hop, just visit any blog site and click on any link to any person, regardless of his/her status or personal inclination. That makes blog-hopping fun. You get a glimpse of someone's heaven (or hell).

I know it's such a waste of precious time. Eh anong pakialam mo? Kanya-kanyang trip lang yan.

Is intelligence directly proportional to brain size?

I have another excuse to post a new topic. Got an interesting article about smart people having bigger brains. I don't want to paraphrase it, heck it would eat much of my time. To cut the drama short, read on or better yet check out this link: http://www.vcu.edu/uns/Releases/2005/june/061705.html.

According to a study conducted by a Virginia Commonwealth University researcher published in the journal "Intelligence," people with bigger brains are smarter than their smaller-bained counterparts. The study could settle a long-standing scientific debate about the relationship between brain size and intelligence. Ever since German anatomist and physiologist Frederick Tiedmann wrote in 1836 that there exists "an indisputable connection between the size of the brain and the mental energy displayed by the individual man," scientists have been searching for biological evidence to prove his claim.

The study is the most comprehensive of its kind, drawing conclusions from 26 previous - mostly recent - international studies involving brain volume and intelligence. It was only five years ago, with the increased use of MRI-based brain assessments, that more data relating to brain volume and intelligence became available. Michael A. McDaniel, Ph.D., a professor in management in VCU's School of Business, found that, on average, intelligence increases with increasing brain volume. Intelligence was measured with standardized intelligence tests, which have important consequences on peoples' lives, such as where they'll go to college or what kind of job they get.

As an industrial and organizational psychologist, McDaniel works with employers to screen job applicants and measure their performance. He said employers will appreciate his findings because intelligence tests are the single best predictor of job performance. On average, smarter people learn quicker, make fewer errors, and are more productive.

It isn't true that because I posted this article, it implies that I have a bigger brain. Duh.

Taking a time off

I have been hibernating for the past few weeks. No blogging for more than two weeks. Just plain inner mind contemplation. No screams, yells, cries or woes were exchanged on this blog. Call it a hiatus of some sort.

I should have been writing more recently. The school has just started and I'm back to my usual job of threatening my students to fix their lives (studies, for that matter) or else. The else part is kinda condescending. Or else what? That they will not pass my subject? That they will fail to live up to their own personal missions? That they won't graduate on time? That their parents will summon them to eternal misery for such failure? That they won't earn some ganda or pogi points from their crushes? Whatever.

I'm yakking again. Me the blubber mouth isn't that of a talker. If I have a tendency to do that, it's either that I am all giddy and high or I'm just completely bored out of my skull.

Ano daw?

Last night was a very rainy night. To say that it rained cats and dogs is a weak idiom. I could say that dinosaurs were ressurected from the heavens last night and plummeted to the ground--head first. The rain was really heavy. So the gang (Serg, Monet, Bray and moi) left Arlegui building while it was raining. Of course, the constant bickering and nagging on who's umbrella should be use was such a catastrophic issue. As resolved, all of us except Monet (who had a gall not to use hers "kasi mahal yung payong ko eh Benetton") pulled our Transformer-like umbrellas to shield ourselves from the crazy rain. We saw a jeepney, hopped in and we were off to the Mr. Sy's Neverland--SM Manila. (Where else?)

We decided to eat. And so we did. I asked Serg to buy me whatever food because I would be heading to a drugstore to buy marijuana. It's a joke, OK. My throat has been hoarse for a week now and I need to get some medicine. Serg bought me a beef something on top of hot rice. (By the way, yung sukli ko nga pala?) When we finished wolfing on our food, Serg and Monet convinced me to play another rounds of network games. The conversation went like this:

M: Hoy, maganda yung Battle.Net.
S: Oo, basta ayoko na maging gagamba. Remember yung last time na naglaro tayo, yung may girlash na maingay maglaro at palamura (Puta! T**** n'yo! with complete re-enactment), siya pala may ari ng rental na yun.
L: Ayoko na! BI talaga kayo.
M: Basta maganda yung Battle.Net. Gusto mong sumama?
S: Masaya, promise. Mag-eenjoy ka. Maraming characters. Maraming powers. Basta.

Who could refuse such promotion like that?

And so I gave in. We played, like, for more than six hours. I got home at around past 12am. Imagine that. Inabot kami ng madaling araw. Hay naku. Ayos lang, enjoy naman. Hehehe.

Ok, what now?

I guess I just waited for the right moment to come by before hitting this keyboard. With my fingers, of course. What am I going to use, my forehead? Haler.

I did an entry at home but I am too lazy to buy prepaid card and have my entry posted. I am just too lazy to do that. See. I've just used the same two words today. I must have run out of better adjectives to describe my day. Actually I am set to accomplish our CCNA 4 completion at MFI but our instructor (Ma'am Opel, where are you?) was not around. Serg was supposed to tag along with this but he came late. More than an hour. I texted him and told him that our completion is postponed. I asked him if I could hang out at his place. When he came to our meeting place, he told me that we should visit Monet at her place and jam with her. Jam, meaning to kill time. Not the musical type of jam. Jam for us is (what else?) network games. But I prefer blogging. Hehehe.

So right now, we are here somewhere at SM Manila. While two crazy friends are busy playing network games, I am typing this away. I don't really know when to end this entry. Another sign of nuisance.

And there you go.

Frozen throne

After a failed attempt of overthrowing enemies, we (Serg, Monet and I) were able to defeat them. Again. We were, like, freezing our butts on this throne for more than three hours just to overcome legions of hateful creatures. Mightily we have conquered them. What a sweet revenge it was.

Of course I'm talking about network games. What else could I be talking about? The stupid management? Inept government? Well, duh.

It's a good thing we only attempted playing the game twice. Otherwise, we'll be up to midnight. We won't give up until we have overthrown hordes of avengeful orcs, humans, night elves and undead creatures. We planned, organized, dissected and strategized our meager resources to beat them up. We integrated our powers to shift them off the map. To vanquish them. To uphold what is true and right. To uphold peace once again. To spread goodwill to mankind. For world peace! Clap! Clap! Clap! (Fake applause.) Oh heck, I'm just exaggerating. It's only a game.

Sarcasm in the brain

I belong to a 'kada (short for barkada) which is collectively called as Sarcastic People. This came to another name as S_Pipol, as homage to the text generation. I will narrate a longer story if someone nags me (or drags me) to draw our story out.

Dedicated to these odd, weird, complex yet good friends, I would like to share a fascinating discussion about sarcasm, taken from this link: http://snipurl.com/f31x.

There's a reason why some brain-damaged people can't comprehend sarcasm, and Israeli researchers think it's because a specific brain region has gone dark. The region, according to the researchers, handles the task of detecting hidden meaning, a crucial component of sarcasm. If that part of the brain is out of commission, the irony doesn't come through, the scientists report in the May issue of Neuropsychology.

Simone Shamay-Tsoory, a researcher at the University of Haifa, says that people with prefrontal brain damage suffer from difficulties in understanding other people's mental states, and they lack empathy. Therefore, they can't understand what the speaker really is talking about, and get only the literal meaning.

In experiments where 58 subjects were exposed to several "neutral" and sarcastic comments recorded by actors as part of a story, all the subjects understood the sarcasm except for those with damage tothe prefrontal area, which is above the eye sockets and behind the forehead. And among those, people with damage to a specific area known as the ventromedial area had the most trouble deciphering sarcasm.

The findings, Shamay-Tsoory said, could help rehabilitation centers do a better job of helping brain-damaged patients adjust to the world and understand other people.

Any objections?

Digression

Many events had passed me by last few days. Most of them involved movies. Briggs and I would often hit the mall to catch up on some new cinematic exploit. Last Saturday was Kingdom of Heaven. Monday was Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. Friday was La Visa Loca. This is what I call as "ubusan ng pera" galore.

(Shit. My mind just stopped churning out words again. I seem to digress with my writing lately. I hate this. But still, I have to post this.)

OK, my mind tells me right now that I should stop typing away and go the PLM to get my unreleased class card. It has not been retrieved, like, for two trimesters now. I should get it. But I would have to shell out five hundred pesos because, according to Serg, our class was undersized. To consider it as a full class, we should be twenty. I don't know what really happened but I would have to follow the process. Otherwise, I won't received my class card.

I'm off to school now.

Yun lang at babu.

Lunes

Summer classes had ended, thank goodness. Now I am back to bumming around. I've been listening a lot to pinoy rock lately. Salamat kay Briggs, last Monday, he handed me over some audio cds of Sponge Cola, Session Road and Bamboo. Buti na lang at orig yung naipahiram nya sa akin at di nahirapang basahin ng CD-ROM.

Sponge Cola's Palabas is a good album. It kinda reminds me E-heads' college type of music. One of my favorite SC song is Lunes. The lyrics are included in the album. Without further ado, let me share them to you:

Dahan-dahang lumalamig
Unti-unting dumidilim
Sa saliw ng 'yong pagtingin
Ang oras ay...

Bumibilis
Kumakaripas
Naghihintay na lang
Kasama ng ulan

At ayokong magising
Sa umagang nang-aakit mabuksan
Naninimtim, 'di alam
Walang patutunguhan

'Di mapigilan ang pag-ngiti
Paglaya mo'y minimithi
Nagyayaya nang makisayaw
Ang himig ay...

Nang-aaliw
Isang pagdiriwang
Sa ilalim ng bituin
Sa liwanag ng buwan

At ayokong magising
Sa umagang nang-aakit mabuksan
Naninimtim, 'di alam
Walang patutunguhan

Ayoko na
Hindi sinasadya
Hindi ko sinasadya

-----

(Will post some more. Serg is nagging me to play network games again. Hehehe.)

Babasahin mo kaya ito?

Hayaan mo ako
na makita ang daan
at malibot ang landas
sa sarili kong paraan.

Hindi ito dahilan
o hudyat
para ika'y iwan.

Hindi ito mangyayari.

Sa saglit na nawala ako
sa bawat pag-tiktak ng relo
segundo
minuto
oras
kung ilang araw man ang naging pagitan
na hindi tayo nag-usap
at nagkibuan
hindi ito ang tanda
na ako'y mawawala
o lilisan.

Hindi ito magaganap.

Anumang landas na aking binaybay
dinaanan ko ang mga ito
at patuloy pa rin napupuntahan
dahil ang landas na ito
ay pabalik sayo.

Magtiwala ka
di kita iiwan
babalik ako.

Patungo sayo.

Daan
/subnet-zero
052005

A row full of great smiles, great food and great people. Galing talaga ng Komiti. Wala na akong masabing iba. Hehehe. All images are courtesy of Kuya Arnold Ibay.